I don’t know what’s happening lately. All of the BIID forums have had a long dry spell with little activity, nothing new happening, and to top it all off two of the major BIID-centric websites have closed down. Have we lost our relevance? Are we “old news” now? I remember a time when I was isolated and didn’t know that there was anyone else with this irrational and consuming desire. Now you can search the internet and find loads of stuff concerning BIID. It would seem that BIID is almost a mainstream phenomena now, as if you no longer have to search for it because you see it on the television.
So why the death in BIID website activity? Could it be that now that we know what we have and know that we’re not alone we’ve all found ways to cope and get on with our lives? Do we have a “Yeah, I have it- so what?” attitude about BIID? Or is it possible that now because more of the general public are informed, are revolted by us, causing us to hide even more than we did in the past?
I admire Chloe for her lack of shame and guilt (why should there be either to begin with?) and her willingness to come forth about BIID publicly. I’m also slightly jealous of her fame. One thing that I didn’t care for is the initial media treatment of her, and how they tried their best to make her a sideshow spectacle. She was open and honest, but perhaps the venue wasn’t optimal for such a subject. Despite that, her demeanor was impeccable- but displayed to a hostile audience for their lurid pleasure.
I consider myself to be open about my own experiences with BIID. I’ve told all my family, close friends, and have even confided in my church pastors. It’s funny that I’ve never gotten the responses that I expected- nobody has yet called me “lower than dirt”. I was nervous when I told them, actually didn’t want to say anything to them about it whatsoever, but in return for my confession to them I more or less received acknowledgement, acceptance, and their own revelations of deep personal issues. It seems that everyone has some sort of baggage to conceal. To those people I confided in, I felt it necessary to reveal myself in order to have an honest friendship- it seems that it worked.
I haven’t gotten any public exposure other than an ABC news article on the web. I was also approached by National Geographic and the Anderson Cooper show- but Chloe won out. I’m an introvert by nature, so I probably don’t present the same “presence” as Chloe and the production professionals are trained to detect that shortcoming. I really would like to be there to give some public support for Chloe instead of her bearing the whole weight of being our public spokesperson. Beside that- I bet she’d be a great deal of fun at cocktail hour- I’d love to meet her face to face!
I have to give kudos to Dr. First, Chloe, and Doug Fabrizio at NPR for the recent radio show they broadcasted about BIID. Stellar! Finally a combination of medical authority and personal experiences were presented, and I was blown away. I participated in Dr. First’s second study, and so much of what he said applied to me personally. Chloe hit a lot of personal chords as well. All I can say is that this is the first production of any kind where I identified so fully. The show was absolutely amazing.
But I still wonder about all the lack of activity on the web. I wondered if all that needed to be said on the subject of BIID was said, and now it’s a dead issue. Well, I still have it, I still cope with it, I’m still frustrated by it, and I don’t see that my life on Earth will ever be without it. The radio program refreshed my hope for resolution, and it was good to hear that the issue isn’t completely dead.