Well, that’s about the 150 thousandth time I’ve said to myself “Yeah, I’m gonna do it!”
Yeah, right, and who knows, that pig flying up there might even miss. Yes, I’m one those that would love, and I mean almost to the point of self injury, which I don’t even want to recommend. To feel myself being lovingly and comfortably plastered, or glassed or strapped into braces to the point of immobility, to achieve a sense of protection from outside forces and be comfortable within myself.
I was born in the early 50’s in western Pennsylvania and even grew up there. Left home in 1970 to see the world as a servant in Uncle Sam’s Green Machine (that’s the US Army). At present I am in Utah somewhere, never where I really want to be, but I haven’t really figured out where I want to be either. Confusing, huh?
This “desire” started for me over 35 years ago with a friend who wore a leg brace from polio. I was jealous. My father was an amputee and until I was about six or seven I thought all dads had one good and one wooden leg. Yeesh, was I amazed when that revelation hit me. But my dad taught me one really good lesson and that was that if you want to know, ask! As I grew up he worked with handicapped people and I got to know a few and was always kind of surprised that most of their injuries, due to disease or accident, bothered them less that others might think. Most were quite willing to talk about it, as their doctors said they should, and were quite accepting of their situations. That their bones had to have leather and steel to support them was something I wanted to experience. It really isn’t enough to just try to understand what was happening, to experience is to really understand.
Don’t get me wrong, I would never condone or expect someone to intentionally maim oneself just for the experience. Too many possibilities for more than you want to experience. And realistically you can never totally know or understand how another person feels. We are each unique and should take a lot of joy in who WE are and enjoy ourselves as we see fit.
As the years rolled by through grade, high school, college and ,aaarrrggghhhh, work I’ve seen many types and styles of casts and braces and have wanted to experience them all, if not for a full term like 6 to 12 weeks for casts or as long as necessary for a brace, at least for a while. This is my real dream to do, and have the time to enjoy, what some people might think to be absolutely ridiculous. To be slowly casted or strapped in braces, a body part at a time and to enjoy what is happening and what is to come (Yes, this act is also very exceedingly sexually arousing for me in case you wondered.) Anticipation has always been a real pain because I grew up being told that if it’s that good, it’s worth the wait. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead! Ah well, perhaps the anticipation is good for me, to want it bad enough, but to enjoy it to the fullest extent possible. I want it to be with someone who cares about me and what I want but to also enjoy what it is that they are doing and are willing to put up with the less pleasurable part of my fantasy. I am also more than willing to be on the flip side of the coin and enjoy the other person’s pleasure as they partake of this fantasy. Life being what it is we all have our fantasy, dream, desire or whatever you like to call your goal. As the saying goes, life is short, enjoy the ride.
I have my doubts, way too many, and fears, also way too many. For instance what if I run into someone I work with and then when I see them at work, or elsewhere, they give me that funny “weren’t you wearing a cast, or neck brace the last time I saw you just a few days ago?” type of look. Irrational?? Probably, but what can I say, to me they are valid. I’m trying to work through my fears and desire but am quite certain of my family’s opinion on such “weird behaviour”.
Fortunately one of my other loves is fishing which takes me away from home for weekends or at times even a week or two. On these occasions I have casted one forearm in a thumb spica and at other times have worn a Philadelphia collar. Fortunately I’m pretty ambidextrous and get along just fine. My future weekenders will include at least a walking leg cast. Now if I can just find someone who enjoys both fishing and casting and bracing I’ll really have it made. Long leg braces up to and including the hips would also be a lot of fun I think. At one time I had a pair of long leg braces and of course had a hit of “conscience” and got rid of them. The same has happened with a SOMI and several other types of neck jewellery. I’ve had a few back braces and supports and that same damn conscience got in the way and they are gone. I’ve gotten rid of quite a collection of toys. I now regret not going with what I felt rather than what I had learned to feel.
Learned feelings can really cause trouble in the entertainment area some of us enjoy. We’re taught that casts and braces are “only” to be applied by physicians and “only” on those in “need”. Well, aren’t we “needful” of the recreational enjoyment we derive? I mean snow skiers now ski in summer on water covered mats and land in pools of water?! That seems kind of strange to me. But I would not in any way make fun of what they do. What we enjoy is being what and who we are. We are not harmful to the environment, people around us or even ourselves. So, why does it bother me so much? Well, in some ways it feels good to get this, at least in a small way, off of my chest. My writing style is somewhat disjointed and rambling but then, so am I and I’m trying to live with who I am. To those of you who read this, I wish you well in your endeavours.
Enjoy,
Mitch